One of the reasons why I started this blog is because we can all relate to others’ personal experiences to gain a deeper understanding of a concept. Living with a disability gives me a unique perspective that a lot of people may not experience but can relate to. This perspective has helped build my faith and deepened my intimate relationship with the Lord.
One of the lessons that I’ve learned from having a disability is to accept my circumstance, my appearance and my messy way of doing things. I’ve learned to be more myself and to not care so much about exterior appearance nor prestige.
With having Cerebral Palsy the messages in the motor area of my brain get mixed up so sometimes I have a lot of involuntary body movements. In particular when I eat, when I feed myself, it can get really messy. Often pieces of food can fall off the plate onto the table or floor. Imagine a toddler feeding itself and you can get the picture, minus the temper tantrums of course.
I remember a time in a café I was eating a chocolate cake, which was all over my face and cheeks, and an acquaintance passed by to say Hi. I automatically pulled my arm up to cover my mouth because I felt embarrassed, ashamed, and I didn’t want to gross them out.
What does this have to do with our relationship with God? In some respects we all hide parts of ourselves from God, our weaknesses, our imperfections, our sins and our sorrows. The problem is that we build up walls, guard our heart, and make it harder for God to come in.
I learned at a young age to accept that my appearance might not be perfect or appeasing but for me prestige is not so significant that it would prevent me from going out to have a bite to eat or socializing at a party or just enjoying a piece of cake. Hunger and companionship prevails beauty.
That is also what is required with God in order to have deeper intimacy with Him. Sometimes we wonder why we can’t hear God or why we can’t feel His Holy Spirit or enjoy His presence. We tend to keep the walls of shame and pretence up which makes it harder to let the Spirit in and allow God to do what He wants and to bless us. We need to accept our weaknesses, what we don’t like about ourselves and let them go so that the Lord can enter in and bring restoration to our soul.