One of the reasons why I love to practice Lent is I need to surrender my iniquities in order to make more space for God. Sometimes it’s hard to get out of your own headspace, to let go of your relentless determination to achieve your goals, or perhaps it’s the fear of failure that drives your motivation. In my case it’s a bit of both and this week God called me on it.
I confess that I’ve been going through a period of discouragement and frustration. I feel that I wasn’t getting anywhere especially with the promotion of my book as I kept trying to network. I kept engaging but nothing was happening, no doors were opening wide. However, I was motivated by the wrong thing. I was more concerned about the financial aspect rather than the ministry aspect. All I could think about was paying off what I owe, my credit line. In some respect I was motivated by fear and desperation. The more I tried to network, the more discouraged I got. I didn’t know how to get out of that mentality until God told me to surrender the book, my baby.
For me the first week of Lent was all about repentance in asking God to change my mindset and to forgive me for my self-centeredness. Basically, I just needed to get over myself. So this past week I’ve been able to give my book away to a few people for the right reasons as a vessel for God to minister to them.
By relinquishing my own criteria as well as fear, I am finally obeying God and trusting Him to pave the way. I feel a heaviness lifting up and a different kind of hunger stirring in me. It’s not about me, it’s about you Jesus.
Create in me a pure heart, O God,
and renew a steadfast spirit within me.
Do not cast me from your presence
or take your Holy Spirit from me.
Restore to me the joy of your salvation
and grant me a willing spirit, to sustain me.
Psalm: 51: 10-12 NIV