For each lenten season I try to come up with a practice or activity that will awaken my consciousness and remind me to be mindful of the Holy Spirit. Not knowing how profound it would be, I decided to make an effort to turn my hands right side up and unclench my hands. I wanted to do something to demonstrate to God that I am present and available, centred on him and open to his will.
To another person it might be a simple task. It probably takes little thought and minimal concentration. In my case since I have cerebral palsy I need to concentrate more to get my hands to right side up and then hope that my fingers will eventually unbend. It might take a minute or two but eventually my brain does send the message to the right body part. I have been doing this simce Ash Wednesday
It has had a profound effect on me in a few ways. I felt vulnerable, somewhat exposed and less comfortable in my body movements. It can be an uneasy feeling but it feels so freeing. In a way I am letting go of my desire to be in control, to be independent. This will allow God to be more present, to be more of a partner.
The second profound revelation for me was how frugal I’ve become. Like most people on a tight budget you become frugal with spending. You look for ways to save or find the cheapest price or wait for a sale. You get into the mindset of being cautious, deciding what you need and what can wait. In a sense you are trying to be practical and wise and the principle does work financially however I’m beginning to realize my mindset of frugality has transcended in other areas in my life especially my faith. I was so distraught when this revelation hit me but yet so appreciative of the awakening and the opportunity to change and redirect my mindset. I still need to be frugal financially but with my faith and love for God I can be free and unrestricted.
I will continue to unclench my hands during Lent not expecting anything but to allow God the opportunity to take my hands anytime he wishes to.